Are you leading the ‘I’m-so-fickle-minded-about-relationships’ bandwagon by stepping in and out of the same relationship?
Well, here’s what you should keep in mind when in an on-off relationship.
We’ve all had that one friend who weeps and gets sloshed at a party while chronicling his/her recent break-up. And, you can’t help wondering who the partner concerned is. Once you realise the person in question is none other than his/her ex-flame, you give up hope—because you have lost count of how many times you have heard the same ‘break up-made up’ stories.
It is an on-off cycle your friend follows. Probably, all of us have been there, done that—dated someone with whom the chemistry is exceptional, breaking off with him/her for whatever reasons and getting back together for another set of reasons.
In such on-off relationships, one is unclear when to bid a final adieu. So, when does one back off for good?
Here are five reasons for putting your foot down against bouncing back into the same relationship.
It’s a trick, is it? So, you have an ex who just doesn’t want to stop being friends with you? And even after the nth number of time you’ve broken up, he/she still lends you a shoulder to cry on?
Well, and before you know it, you both are dating again because the ex has convinced you that he/she is the best for you.
Apply caution: I’m not denying that the person loves you, but there’s also a possibility that he/she is manipulating you into returning every single time. This gives you zero chance to encounter new relationships because finally, you’re always falling in a rut.
Do you feel a sense of dependency, wherein you can’t really do without this person you’ve once dated. Whenever there is a problem in a current relationship, instead of repairing it, you run out of it into your comfort zone, to this one person you know you can depend on.
I know you enjoy a sense of security, but ask yourself if you want this person for life. If not, it’s time you started depending on your self; because not only are you playing with this particular person’s feelings, you’re also following an unhealthy pattern of relationships.
So, you keep making up and breaking up with this person? Have you realised why every reconciliation ends with a break-up?
Face the truth: Maybe it’s time you realised that the chemistry isn’t as great as it once was. You are just hoping against hope that it would be. Forget the ‘once-upon-a-time’ tale and get closure. Talk it out and end it amicably. Stop being in contact if need arises.
All about them:
He/she knows you’re always going to be there—either passing on that pack of tissues, hearing their sob stories while cancelling your plans with friends, or paying for their sessions of retail therapy.
Wake up call: If you’re always waiting for them to get back to you when they’re bored, tired or hurt, it’s time you woke up. Maybe it is unintentional, but the other person is surely using you to suit his/her convenience. Tell the person you’re ready for life long commitment and if they refuse, you need to end this seemingly endless drama.
Just for sex:
So, you are returning to your ex just for some good sex?
It’s frisky: Well, it’s very unhealthy. You can’t be with a person just for the fringe benefits. Somewhere down the line, you both (or one of you) may start turning a blind eye to the emotional aspect of such a relationship. Also, chances are that you will continue with the escapades even when you are in another committed relationship. This one may break you down slowly but completely, so I suggest you walk out right now.
Reasons to be in an on-off relationship:
1. Confused about the relationship.
3. You need a break when bored of the relationship.
4. Scared to be alone.
5. Want to keep your dating options open.
(Excerpts, as told by Dr. O.P. Seth)
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