I Don’t Forgive . . .

I don’t forget nor do I forgive

It’s said “to err is human, to forgive, divine”. They feel bene- volent and bigger when they forgive others for their mistakes and consider themselves better for it.

Well, since I was a kid I never found such kind of feeling on forgiving a bully. In Std. Fifth, I used to be bullied for I was not a guy who makes complaints. On every occassion when I was offended, the grit to teach them gets stronger. Several things would come into my mind, in term of giving them an one-time blow. What I never thought was forgiving them, I finally decided to built a wall of fear between us. So, one fine day, when the giant leader of their group was drinking water directly from the tap of school, I reached just behind him, grabbed his hair, and hit his face directly on the steel tap. . . yes! Several times.

His white shirt of school uniform becomes bloody red of his own blood, and he got seven stitches above his upper lip. Whole school, 700 boys and girls, had witnessed the incident. I was summoned to principal office, I told her what made me hurt him. I was amazed to see a dozen of girls and few boys stood up in my favor as they were also being bullied by the same boy.

Two weeks later,the guy returned and I was stopped again by him in recess, I saw his swollow face, and before he could utter a word I hit him again on the healing wound. He kelt down with his face in hands. And i said, “next time I will shoot you with my dad’s gun” and they never bothered me. I became the hero among schoolmates as I had built a wall of fear between the bully “Amjad Rehman Ansari” and myself, and the fact, that power comes with a crowd of cowards who find themselves safe behind you. That was the first day I felt what power was all about, everybody in school wants me. And, thats happened because neither I forgot my humiliation nor did I forgive him.

In classroom, when Mrs. Dev was told that “SK” hit that guy, she stared me, I stood up. Before I could start explaining, Stuti -the prettiest girl and arrogant too, stood in lightening speed and started defending me. “Ansari forced SK again, clutched his collar and abused him, so sk hit him, teacher.” Teacher kept staring me, I was not sure what I was going to get until I heard Mrs. Dev, “Shabab you sit down.” So, I understood that day, that pretty girls don’t lie, and if, power and beauty come along nobody underestimates the combination. Needless to say Stuti became my first crush, and I was the only one in 700 for whom she fell, as she told me. Those were the days when I knew how good the feeling is when you find ppl are getting jealous of you.

STUTI SINGH (1999)

In this throat-cut competitive world, I don’t think, that by tolerating one for his offence is practical, if you tolerate once or forgive, you are gonna be a punching bag. Every time, the person against you will get frustated, no matter, for what reason he/she will need you to vent one’s frustation.

So, let the ppl know that neither you will forget nor will you forgive. This will act as a Danger Sign hanging over you, the fear factor and your solid image will one day make you a successful individual.

I told all of you that I am a selfish man, and I love to use double standards, I mean when it comes to my inner self I take no time in forgiving myself. We all make mistakes, sometimes we do horrible things and other suffers what we did, in that case, a guilt begins to rise in ourselves. Believe me guys guilt is so horrible which doesn’t let you grow.

I have seen several ppl, when it comes to atrocities they have committed to others or mistakes they have inflicted onto themselves, they rarely look within and ask for forgiveness from themselves. It’s so damn hard to acknowledge they are responsible for the misery of others and themselves. So many of you give up love for an arranged marriage because the “financials” of it were better, or perhaps because you were “pressured” into it. You berate your fate and blame others for it, when in truth it was your lack of resolve and strength to do what was truly best for you. You let yourselves down repeatedly with your choices and actions and then blame the world for it. It’s okay to say “I made a mistake”, it’s okay to say “I want to change realities”. It’s okay to apologise to yourself. If you can do it, you can undo it. Whether it’s life, love, career or any other choices, just remember, it’s okay to make bad decisions, it’s not okay to live with them.

…shabab khan
(Author is in International Business)


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About Shabab Khan

A Journalist, Philanthropist; Author of 'The Magician', 'Go!', 'Brutal'. Being a passionate writer, I am into Journalism and writing columns, news stories, articles for top media house. Twitter: @khantastix khansworld@rediffmail.com
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