Life of Pee…

We encounter with this kinda cooking quite often.

We all are surrounded by an army of weird people who make you smile, laugh, irritate with their stupidity. Out of them, let me pick out a special type of people for you to wonder that you aren’t the only one who know such type of people with qualities you can’t miss.

We all know that after America India has largest number of English speaking people. It is true. But, this truth can not hide rest of the people who do not write, understand and speak English. So, is there two types of people live in India, one who know English and another who do not know? I would say, absolutely not.

There are people, the third type, who partially know the language. As we know, little knowledge is dangerous, as well as funny thing. People with limited knowledge and their efforts to speak in a language they partially know makes the situation worse for them and funny for others.

I know some of my friends, associates, importers, suppliers whose efforts to conversate in English tickles me. They regularly introduce Brand New Words, and sometimes force me to ensure from my Uncle (Arre Google Uncle) if I have not missed the word.

Here is a list of those New Words introduced by those who live between do-know and do-not-know:

1. Tensionize:
If revolt can be revolutionized, Visual can be Visualized then why not Tension should be tensionized.
-Aaj bahot tensionized hun.

2. Advocacy [Ed-wo-kay-C]:
They think Advocate is Lawyer, so what a lawyer does should be called Advocacy, isn’t it? How logical.
-Inki Advocacy kaisi chal rahi hai?

3. Allowancement:
You know what they meant by allowancement. They hear Allow, Allowance, Alot …so, an announcement becomes allowancement for them.
-Kya allowance hua?

4. Pee:
I have been introduced with Pee by one of my associates, who asked me, “Life of Pee” dekha kya? Confused..! I wondered how Pee’s life could be?
Why should they read Pi as Py and not Pee? I am sure no blogger can ever answer.

5. Boozy:
Ok, they speak busy as busy, but whenever they read Busy …it becomes Boo-zy. Quite clear.

6. Cheeyan Cheeyan [Che-YAWn]:
A mobile orchestra party, with a Barat, was singing and baratis were dancing. Then singer started singing-“Soniya Dil Se Mila De Dil, Ja Cheeyan Cheeyan Ja Cheeyan.”
I couldn’t figure out what was that Cheeyan Cheeyan until I watched ‘Maine Pyar Kyon Kiya’, it was ‘Just Chill Chill Just Chill’ instead of Ja Cheeyan Cheeyan.

7. Teenagar (Teena-Gar:
Blame Baazigar or Blogger. They make every Teenager like Baazigar and Blogger or Jadugar.

8. Resume:
This one is really serious. Whenever, we publish ads for Job Openings in our company, 90 out of 100 submit their ‘Resume’. They call it Resume, they write it resume and they never know what they submit is called Resumé. Mind it, I have met qualified engineers, designers, managers who submit their Resume. And, this has become a major selection criteria, you know we don’t entertain Resume, lolz.

9. Thank you too much: Don’t laugh buddy, they appreciate you, but ‘too much’ gives them better feeling instead of ‘so much.’ You should not take their ‘thanking way’ as if ehsaan kar rahé hon.

10. BAY BAY:
When this term had been used by somebody known to me, I scanned every nook and corner of my head to see if Bay-Bay kinda thing exists there. Not Found. Then I recalled the sentence in which Bay Bay was used. “Ragni MMS-2 mein ghazab ki Bay Bay ne kaam kiya, too hot.”

Later, I found the baybay was used for Sunny Leone. And, we all know she is a voluptuous BayBay, I mean Babe.

Apart from above list of innovative words, there are people who force their English on you, without knowing that they are torturing you. Have you ever listened someone, saying, “Good Maarning”, “Kaafi Saap (Coffee Shop)”..? Of course, you have.

We have some business interests in Kerela, so telephonic conversation with them is required. My worst nightmare attacks me as soon as Kerela’s Vendors start spelling out their email id over phone, “Yun-Yal-Yam-Jed ….”.

After recovering from email id nightmare, I close my eyes, stretch my legs, open first two buttons of my shirt and then I whisper …”Zindagi Aur Bata Tera Iraada Kya Hai..?”



About Shabab Khan

A Journalist, Philanthropist; Author of 'The Magician', 'Go!', 'Brutal'. Being a passionate writer, I am into Journalism and writing columns, news stories, articles for top media house. Twitter: @khantastix
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9 Responses to Life of Pee…

  1. indrani says:

    Wow! You really observe well. :)
    Great fun read. :D


  2. :-D :-D Yeah..very rightly observed…I’ve met people who think Biodata and Resumé .

    Anyway , ” Thank you too much ” for sharing these :-P


  3. *** Biodata and Resumé . are same thing


    • ...shabab says:

      Maniparna… We meet different people at different places. Being a businessman my instincts automatically analyse the person and most of the time I find something ridiculous, funny or weird factor in them. You’re right, its observation, and a mind of fault finder… Next post would be a series of objects you will find funniest.
      And yes! Thank you too much to you too.


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